Sunday, June 21, 2015

~Cried myself to sleep~

Pic - google


Can't let them see my tears
can't let them see my pain
have to put on a brave face
strong and bright all day
So I cried myself to sleep

Can't say I miss you a lot
can't say I need you here
have to say "I don't care"
smiling confidently all day
so I cried myself to sleep

Can't walk away from this
can't stand alone still
have to move on with my life
alone but bravely all day
so I cried myself to sleep

world doesn't know how much
you will never know how much
even I don't know how much
that I love you in my heart
so I cried myself to sleep....

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Sunday, June 14, 2015

To feel.. To be free...

Pic - Google

I wanna sleep on soft white sand
at mid-night in the beach
listen to the sound of lonely waves
to feel the night breeze

I wanna lie on the green grass
at the top of a mountain hill
watch busy bees and butterflies
to feel the warmth of sun

I wanna swim in the blue lake
like a mermaid in a tale
play hide and seek under the sea
peek through the mysterious veil

I wanna be free and fly away
like a bird in the large sky
to free my soul from my body
and to fade away in light

Will I ever be free to fly?
Will I ever be free to sleep?
Will I ever be free to feel
the love that I wanna feel....


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Wednesday, February 25, 2015

~I can't let you go~

Pic- Google

I want to hold you close
so you wouldn't get hurt
protect you from cold
and keep your heart warm...

I want to stay next to you
when you fall asleep
protect you from bad dreams
and let you sleep on my arms...

I want to walk with you
hand in hand together
protect you from piercing wind
and give strength to walk...

I want to hold your hand
say everything is alright
protect you from falling apart
and never let you cry...

I don't want to let you go
even, I'm not there anymore
I'll always be by your side
even, you don't see me anymore..


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Wednesday, September 24, 2014

~Let Her Go~


One of my favourite songs. 
Isn't this the truth about us? We all start loving things or appreciating once we lost them. We are so blind to blessings in our lives, instead we are so busy worrying about things we don't have. Maybe it is time to stop worrying about things that we don't have or about things we lost, but start to love things we have now with us. Count your blessings!!
Cheers!!


Well you only need the light when it's burning low
Only miss the sun when it starts to snow
Only know you love her when you let her go

Only know you've been high when you're feeling low
Only hate the road when you’re missin' home
Only know you love her when you let her go
And you let her go

Staring at the bottom of your glass
Hoping one day you'll make a dream last
But dreams come slow and they go so fast

You see her when you close your eyes
Maybe one day you'll understand why
Everything you touch surely dies

But you only need the light when it's burning low
Only miss the sun when it starts to snow
Only know you love her when you let her go

Only know you've been high when you're feeling low
Only hate the road when you're missin' home
Only know you love her when you let her go

Staring at the ceiling in the dark
Same old empty feeling in your heart
'Cause love comes slow and it goes so fast

Well you see her when you fall asleep
But never to touch and never to keep
'Cause you loved her too much
And you dived too deep

Well you only need the light when it's burning low
Only miss the sun when it starts to snow
Only know you love her when you let her go

Only know you've been high when you're feeling low
Only hate the road when you're missin' home
Only know you love her when you let her go

And you let her go (oh, oh, ooh, oh no)
And you let her go (oh, oh, ooh, oh no)
Will you let her go?

'Cause you only need the light when it's burning low
Only miss the sun when it starts to snow
Only know you love her when you let her go

Only know you've been high when you're feeling low
Only hate the road when you're missin' home
Only know you love her when you let her go

'Cause you only need the light when it's burning low
Only miss the sun when it starts to snow
Only know you love her when you let her go

Only know you've been high when you're feeling low
Only hate the road when you're missin' home
Only know you love her when you let her go

And you let her go



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Saturday, September 13, 2014

~Adultery - Paulo Coelho~

Adultery - Paulo Coelho
Pic- Red Riding Hood

I took a long break.. Now it's time to break the ice. Well I went to book fair on Thursday (11) and bought thirty (30) books. yeah my mother was shocked. :) Anyway I already finished reading one book, Paulo Coelho's latest book, "Adultery". I thought to write about how I felt after reading it. 
First of all, I must say Paulo Coelho is one of my favourite authors and I love his work. In 2006 I read "The Alchemist" and that's when I fell in love with his books. "Veronica decides to die", "By the river Piedra I sat down and wept", "Eleven minutes" "Manuscript Found in Accra" are my favourites. 
The story is about a woman who is in her thirties begins to question about her life. She has a perfect life in the eyes of others, a perfect marriage, two beautiful children, a good job and a house. Basically everything. But she is tired of all the perfectness around her. She met her ex boyfriend at a meeting and she fell in love with him again. The story is about how she loses herself in order to discover who she is again. 
It is a nice story with a good message. A very strong message to them who is bored with their marriages and their perfect lives. 
But, yes, there is a but.. All the other books Paulo Coelho wrote were able to make a significant difference in my mind. I didn't feel that in this book. We all know Paulo Coelho is a wizard who can do magic through his words. But I didn't see that magic in this book. I don't whether I felt that way because I'm new to whole marriage and extramarital affairs. I have never experienced any of those before. But all the other novels were like portals which open a door to the truth or to some deep emotions that we all felt but couldn't ever explain. In "Adultery" I didn't feel that. The main character, female journalist, goes through some kind of portal like that, but the problem is she doesn't take us with her. 
At the end she finds her way back to her real love or to the truth in her life. But I couldn't understand what makes her realize that, the path she is in, is not the right one. And is it possible for someone to end an intimate relationship at once without any regrets or any more cravings. 
I asked myself, where is the chapter that makes a huge difference in reader's heart and mind? where are those quotes we usually read in his books that tattooed into our memory? 
But when you forget about "Alchemist", you forget about "Veronica" you can enjoy this book. Forget about the
Paulo you knew, think as a new one.

However the book is still good compared to most of other novels. 
I will finish this review with a one quote that tattooed in my memory and that's the only. 
"There is none so blind as the one who does not want to see"
~Adultery~ 


Available at Sarasavi Book Shop - 895/=

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~You, Me and "US"~




Sometimes I wonder whether it was a dream I saw in the middle of a summer night. But then dying pieces of memories around me, remind me that it wasn't a dream. It really happened and you were a part of me. Then suddenly you weren't there anymore. I felt so incomplete and fragile. You were like a shield, covering me from the outside world. Protecting me from every possible thing. Then one day that shield was no longer there. I felt so naked. So small. 

It never occurred to me that I would have to live without you. We were always busy and on a schedule. In that schedule, we never had a time to sit down and think what if one of us had to leave soon? We never thought it was possible. We took everything for granted, I say. 

You remember how we were when we first met? So innocent and so energetic. We did things others only imagined doing. We got drunk on the beach and slept till the sun comes up. "When the first rays of sun hit my face, I felt alive" you said to me. 

I dared you, you can't kiss a man, but then I had to kiss you, because I lost the bet. It was the first time we kissed. I have been waiting for that kiss so I was happy that I lost the bet. We kissed a thousand times after that. But none of those times can beat the first time. We both knew it was not a payment for a bet, but something we both wanted for a long time. I don't remember anything about that day, what clothes I wore, what colour were they, nada. But I remember how I felt when you kissed me for the first time. I looked into your eyes and lost myself forever. 

Beach, that was our favourite spot. White sand, sun, water and cool breeze. All the elements were there. One day lying on white sand you asked, "How would you feel if I asked you to be my wife?". That's how you proposed to me. No ring, no standing in knee, no violins, but it felt perfect. You know why, because that's what I wanted. You knew me well enough not to do anything fancy. 

Three month later I went to Mrs. from Miss. and that night you hugged me tight and said "angel, don't even think of leaving me now. I gave up on my single life and I don't want to be single ever again.." I promise you, but as usual I forgot to make you promise me. 

Our plan was to travel the world once we were married. At first we decided we need to settle down a bit, before go anywhere. In the second year, work was too much in office and we thought we have time. In the third year, we lost her, a small tiny creature who was suppose to come to us. the time stayed still for no-one and it was the fifth year of our marriage. 

One cold night I woke up to a phone call, just to hear that you have been an accident. The life I knew has come to an end. The life I shared with you. Greetings in the morning, two mugs of coffee, bathroom traffic, complains of ironing shirts, everything was gone. No more arguments over bills not being paid, no more fights over the remote controller or make up gifts for words shot across the hall. 

It's been months now. I still can't believe how this happened, but again that is life when we take it for granted. I quit my job at the firm and collected all my money. I sold the house. I don't know what I'm going to do but I'm not going to take it for granted anymore. I wanted to tell you, that you aren't really gone. A part of you are growing inside me. I'm going to take that part with me around the world. We are going to see the world and I'll figure out what I'm going to do as I'm going. Because life is too short to figure out and start living. We have to do both together. 
****************************************************************************

After a break from couple of months I decided to write again. And this time I hope to keep this blog alive. At least few words once a week. Hopefully you guys will enjoy this and visit me again.
cheers!! 

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Sunday, April 20, 2014

~Lady in the Painting~



It was a perfect evening. Last rays of sun were shining upon the waves. Sea was calm and beautiful. He said to himself. Walking on the beach in the evening was his favorite thing. Watching the sunset while listening to the bells from the abandoned church on the hill. It was abandoned year ago but still bells are making noises to the wind. It was a sound of happiness and sadness at the same time. Jingles coming from a faraway place told a happy story but they were coming from a forgotten place which made it sad.

This evening was supposed to be a usual one. Just like other days he was going to take a walk on the beach. After the sunset go back to his little cabin and lit the candle. Eat some bread with cheese he bought from the market other day. Drink some wine or brandy if it’s a cold night. Play the violin a bit and go to a long sleep till the sun comes with a new day.

Destiny works in a mysterious way. Sometimes some things that you have been waiting for comes in an unexpected time and sometimes you didn't even know that you have been waiting for that thing until it arrives. This day was all about unexpected surprise that he had been waiting for his whole life.

It looked like a piece of paper first. Just a piece of paper. He was not going pick it up and then he was curious.

It was painting of a lady. Black silky hair fallen on to shoulder length. Dark long eye borrows with big round brown eyes. Pointy face with thick lips and a small nose.

“A fine looking lady.” He said to himself. Without thinking too much he put it into his pocket and walked away.

Sun was almost gone when he turned to go to his cabin. Had his small dinner and took his violin to play  That’s when he remembered about the picture in his pocket.

He took it out and looked at it from candle light. She looked young. Could be nineteen or twenty maximum  She must be from a good family, but fine ladies don’t keep their hair on loose like this. He was thinking.

Specially they wouldn't pose for a painting with hair on loose.

"It is just a painting." said to himself. But he doesn't put it in the pocket. He doesn't throw it away. He kept it on the chair next to him and played his violin. If someone saw that, they would think he was playing for her. But he said, he is playing for himself. Playing for night.

Sun came with a new day. But unlike other days sun rays bothered him on that day. He wanted to sleep more. He doesn't get a good sleep at that night. He was tired. It never happened before. He was proud always about being an early bird.

He dreamed all night. He has to many different dreams. Dreams on beach. Dreams at valleys. Dreams in his cabin. Dreams at some places where he doesn't know. But all the dreams had one thing in common. She was there. Lady in the painting. She was alive. Walking, talking and laughing. He felt so much alive in those dreams. He wanted to sleep more so could dream more.

But he had to wake up. Reality is not a dream. He washed himself and went to village for world. He was fine gardener. He is usually good at what he was doing. Whole village praised his work and said he was the best. But on that day he was a different man. He trimmed a bush which was about to bloom. Watered roses twice and if his fellow doesn't notice him doing so he would have done it to the third time as well.

All he could think was going home soon. It was like someone was waiting for him at home  Of course there was. She. She was waiting for him.

Days became months, months became years. Everybody noticed his changes. He was no longer the free lad but a man. A matured man. He aged quickly. His hair turned grey. There were winkles and dark spots around his eyes. He soon looked old to his age. But there were two things that became younger and brighter day by day.

His eyes and her. His eyes became more and more bright. It was like he was seeing someone getting close to him as the days was passing by. He dreamed every night. Slowly she took over his day too. He gave up fighting the feeling thought he wasn't so sure what it was.

She became more and more beautiful. Her eyes became bright too. Those were like stars first but later they were like burning suns. He felt the warmth and beauty.

He came from work that day. He felt a difference. He felt her presence in his cabin. This time it wasn't like she was a painting. But as a real person. A breathing living soul. He could swear that he heard the sound of her gown sweeping the floor. He felt a small breeze just like she was quickly passing him. When he was making a sandwich, when he was eating, when he was playing the violin, he felt her warmth next to him. It was like she was sitting next to him.

That night he dreamed again. He was on the beach. Sun was setting. Sea looked golden. Times was still  World was still. Everything was calm and quiet. But beautiful. She came to him. Hugged him tightly. Kissed him on lips and whispered to his ears.

“Let’s go. It’s time.”

It was the first time she spoke to him or the first time he heard her voice. It was calm like song.

He took her hand. She guided him to the golden sea. She held him close to her. They walked and walked until they disappear in golden water. Last rays of sun vanished from the earth as they disappear in sea.

Next day sun came with a new morning. But he was in deep sleep. He had a smile on his face. It was like he finally found peace.


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